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| Friday, September 1st, 2006 | | 8:19 pm |
My recent trip to the ER has proven some things for me: 1)It appears impossible for me to get a disease that is 'normal' or at the least, curable with known methods. Normally whatever I am afflicted with requires consultations, and a lot of shrugging. 2)I am always sick enough to be miserable, but never sick enough for something to be done about it by the medical professions. 3)Doctors in St. Louis do not realize that Lake of the Ozarks is more than a weekend spot. 4)The phrase "pain in the ass" was created in an ER | | Saturday, August 19th, 2006 | | 9:36 am |
BACK
Hey kids, I'm back in St Louis for a long long time now!! | | Sunday, June 25th, 2006 | | 8:37 pm |
Funny Quotes
"All I want is the chance to prove that money can't buy me happiness." Spike Mulligan. Jake: It's good for you to work in the heat, sweat out all of the toxins. Me: Those toxins belong in my body where I put them. Me: You'd be surprised at what sells at Bear Market. Stuff I can't believe that was manufactured in the first place, then someone bought, and now someone is buying again. Marla: What like the Kermit mug you bought yesterday? Chris: Everyone needs to speak louder. Me: Even me? Chris: Even you. Me: (pause) No one has ever said that to me before. (During the play) Bob: Without this I'm lost...lost...I'm lost...I'm telling you I'm LOST. Me: I can see that. "If you don't like my apples, don't shake my tree" Jeb Flint | | Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006 | | 7:21 am |
Summer
Life is hectic what with all the commuting. This is my second out of three weeks of summer school and I'm already so burnt out. Hopefully these few weeks will fly by and I can see about getting another job so I can pay for my new car...if it still is my new car. Been running around like crazy and if i haven't talked to anyone in a while I'm sorry but I'll catch up with you later. | | Friday, April 21st, 2006 | | 4:47 am |
One week
Okay everyone, as of right now I arrive in Lambert Airport at 9:15 pm on Friday April 28th. Hopefully you'll all be able to come to Denny's for a good old dorm style late night dinner after I clear baggage claim! For details contact Lynda or me, but I'll just have to ask Lynda. | | Thursday, April 13th, 2006 | | 4:04 am |
What now?
I've gone swimming in the Northern Atlantic, I've eaten Italian in Italy, I've seen Romeo and Juliet in Stratford, I've heard a live Celtic Band. I've been to mass at the Vatican, I've tasted fresh fish and chips, I've seen a polo game, I've heard more accents than I can identify. I've climbed the ramparts at Warwick, I've smelled Guinness as its being brewed, I've seen a Russian fashion show, I've learned 'Hello' in 4 languages. I've stood in front of the Parthanon and the Pantheon, I've tasted my own tears, I've witnessed demonstrations against my country and culture, I've heard prayers to different gods in different languages. I've seen the poor and the rich, the happy and the sad, I've lived in one country while longing for another, Where do I go now? | | Tuesday, April 11th, 2006 | | 5:17 pm |
Love is strange.
I don't think anyone will ever come up with a perfect definition of love. Its very essence defies definition. For one, there are too many kinds. I think the ancient Greeks were on the right path when they had several different names (and even different goddesses) for the different types of love. I have always believed, even before I was ever in love, that you can't just stop loving a person. It's impossible. There will always be that small part of you that still loves them, even if you do everything possible to repress that it's there. Or you can hate them, but mostly you hate them because you still love them. I've always thought of love as possessive, various people own pieces of me, pieces that I can never fully recover. Love also has a long memory, both good and bad. You remember the most miniscule stuff about a person you love, how they smile, how they smell, an unimportant fact, stuff like that. Sometimes you forget major stuff, whether its just too painful to remember or you just have a lousy memory, sometimes it's hard to tell between the two. Often we repress painful stuff and then just blame it on bad memories. Love is bittersweet to be sure, and we often to only remember the bitter when a love ends. I don't, I remember the good right along with the bad, definately not the easiest way, but probably the most honest. Life would be so much easier if I forgot that the guys I've dated in the past were decent guys, even Tom had/has his good points. Love can be like a play to me, maybe that's my problem. It's all excitement at the beginning when you figure out the nuances and what role you each get to play. Then it becomes a good friend as you know everything you can and are desperate to try to make it fresh again, a new costume, a new gesture. Then you become so bored with this thing you can't wait for the next one. You take your final call with relief, and attend the cast party as one ready to flee a sinking ship. But as you're fleeing, you remember the good laughs, the good lines, the fun people, and you start to feel sorry that you're leaving. But it's too late, you're gone and its over. Later, in your next play, you start all over again, referencing your last play and learning from previous mistakes. There's a nostalgia there and no other play will be like anyother (a melodrama will never be the same as a drama). Just like I can't play one role for a long period of time (I don't know how westenders do it) I find it hard to be defined as soandso's girlfriend for any length of time. Someday a guy will be able to keep up with me, I hope. If not it's okay, I won't settle for someone that isn't worth me. But with each person I leave, I'll leave with something and without something. I will never understand how a person can be madly in love one moment and then decide overnight that they weren't. How is that possible? Do you simply repress your own feelings so long? Or are you just afraid to love when you think there is no hope? I cannot compartmentalize (sure it's a word) my emotions, stack them away, and then not think about them. They're always there. I retain emotions like other people retain water. Normally I'm a pretty happy person, I'm a bitch is true, but I'm a happy bitch. But everyone has bad days, and sometimes you can't control the flood of emotions just below the surface, they have to come out. I'm not the most graceful person at dealing with my emotions, I suppose I haven't had much practise, it doesn't happen very often when my emotions are so intense. But my emotions are as much a part of me as a leg or an arm, or the weird scar on my hand from an allergy to birth control. So what is love to me? I can't define it either. I know it when I have it, that's as much as I can tell you. Why the rant? Many reasons, one is I'm lonely for intelligent male companionship. I've been livnig with 3 girls for over 3 months now, and I'm not used to that at all. The guys in this program either are not intelligent or think they are way more intelligent than they are. The only one worth a damn is never around because he has two jobs and is working on his doctorate on World Imperialism (swoon). Home soon, parents sooner. London will I ever see you again? | | Sunday, April 2nd, 2006 | | 10:10 am |
Random Day at Windsor
Yesterday was the best random day. Ryan, our RA, plays polo at a club outside Windsor and he invited my flat to go, we're right next door, and we're all good friends. I went to invite Joanna who said she'd come. So yesterday afternoon we went out to Paddington and caught a train to Windsor (lucky we did that, cause it was only £4 each and when I looked online for my parents and I it was £29 each WTF). Once there we stopped by EAT to grab some snacks, they have the best chocolate chip cookies in the world. Then got in a cab to go out to the polo club. We had a good time watching and cheering on Ryan, we even did the wave for him, and his team won. Plus we got to play with these really cute dogs that were there, and got to pet Ryan's horse that day, his name was Bob. After the game we called a taxi to take us back to Windsor and went to a pub to grab dinner, really good food there. Then back to London via Paddington. I called my mom and talked to her a bit, then came back to the flat in time to watch The Others on BBC, all five of us, Ryan went to sleep early the wuss, squeezed into our living room to watch it. Then we talked about movies for our lists. The other day, while talking about movies we all thought the others should see, I decided to just make lists for us to take home. They now decorate our bathroom door, mine is longer than you would suspect considering how much I love movies, but it's not the longest by any means. Speaking of movies, I might go to the premiere of Ice Age 2 tonight, I won't see the movies, but I might get to see some stars attending. You never know. That's all for now. Later. | | Friday, March 31st, 2006 | | 3:52 am |
The West End
I will miss the West End of London, I love it. Any day I can pick a new play or musical to see. If I went to a different show 4 nights a week I wouldn't be able to see them all. I have seen many plays this month though, and I'll give a brief overview here. Mon March 13th: Mary Poppins-though some parts are different from the movie, enough is the same so you don't feel uneasy. Since I was up in the nose bleed sections I couldn't see the actors that well and just pretended Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dycke were there. Wed, March 22: Les Miserable-probably one of my favorite musicals now. Even though I've seen other musicals in between I have Les Mis songs stuck in my head. And now I want to reread the book, since I've forgotten most of it since 8th grade. Mon, March 27: We Will Rock You- Yes Queen does have its own musical. Set 500 years into the future when Rock N Roll is banned, you can get the idea of the B-movie type plot. But it's not like I thought it would be serious and we all had a good time. There's a live band on stage and at the end, after a curtaincall, the cast does an encore of Bohemian Rhapsody, with a very real concert feel to it. I clapped, waved my arms around, and sang at the top of my lungs! Wed, March 29: The Woman in Black-I've never been so scared. Joanna and I booked this one about 3 hours before the show started. A thriller it definately is, and the two man cast is so talented you forget there are only two of them. I screamed, jumped in my seat, and grasped my chair arms. It's been running since 1989 nonstop in that theatre, and no wonder. Thurs, March 30: The Phantom of the Opera- Amazing. I love this play and I was so excited to see it live for the first time. Wow, I've seen three plays this week, that's a lot even for me. Also in London I've seen The Woman in White and The Lion King and Chicago. So that's 8 plays so far, 7 of them musicals. Pretty impressive. It's too bad I can't see Mamma Mia, it's sold out all the way til the end of May. But I'm sure I can find other things to go to. | | Tuesday, March 28th, 2006 | | 1:22 pm |
| | Sunday, March 26th, 2006 | | 12:57 pm |
Time Change
Just so you all know, until you hit daylight savings time, I am 7 hours ahead of you. We put our clocks forward an hour this morning. | | Thursday, March 23rd, 2006 | | 7:48 am |
.
Before my 2nd class today, a few of us were hanging out in the classroom just talking. One of the girls, Katie, went into an epileptic seizure. By the time someone had found the professor, Katie's lips had turned blue, suffocating. Claudia moved her to help clear the air passage. It worked and by the time the paramedics had arrived Katie was calm though she didn't really know what was going on. Apparently she's had epilepsy a long time, and her flatmates were aware of it, I don't know if the professors knew, they all pitched in, Bonnie, Janet, Jack, and Ashok. Classes were canceled and we all walked home after Katie was led to the ambulence. An exciting life is overrated. | | Tuesday, March 21st, 2006 | | 8:47 am |
39 days to go.
And I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. My parents will be here in three weeks and I'm excited about that. Sometimes when I think about home, I can't wait to get back, but at other times, I don't know how I'll survive in little Lake of the Ozarks and little St. Louis. What will I do there? The only solution is to have all my friends and family move to England, and my dogs, I miss my dogs. I love it here, I really do, but at times I ache for home. It's very confusing. Normally, I'm pretty happy no matter where I am. A pretty nice quality actually. And I know that after reverse culture shock, I'll be glad to be home. My laptop is trying to resurrect itself, a girl upstairs has a whole bunch of comp cds with her, and I've been able to reformat, but for somereason, I can't install my wireless card driver. Will have to ask my computer guy about that. I don't really know a whole lot more. I'm tired a lot, but I think that's because Rita snores. Got my hair cut over the weekend, and it's pretty cute if I do say so myself. Oh, if you don't know, my articles Letters from London are here www.thecurrentonline.com if you want to check them out. I had one reader email me about advice for study abroad and I think that's pretty cool. | | Friday, March 17th, 2006 | | 9:46 am |
The Feminine Mystique
I read Betty Friedan's "The Feminine Mystique" over spring break. I had never read it before, and I was blown away. This book was written in the early 60s but much of it still applies to young women today. Friedan confronts the problem of so many professional housewives who were not finding fulfillment in their lives. These were intelligent women who had gone to college but had either dropped out early, or never pursued a career afterwards. They got married and devoted themselves to house and family. Today, most people know, thanks to Betty Friedan, that having a purpose outside the home is essential to a satisfying life, so at least we've grown there. But the question that struck me was WHY these women raced back to being "occupation: housewife." Afterall, the mothers of these women had been suffragettes or raced to college to become doctors. What had happened to their children? The answer is at once simple and complex. These young women were afraid of their independence. It is always easier to be subordinate than to be dominate. They didn't want to stand on their own because they were afraid of failure. The security of home proved to be too much of a lure as opposed to battling the big wide world alone and making your own place in it. And it is because of that, these women stopped growing. They stopped maturing. It is the battles that force you to grow and if you flee from danger you flee from maturity as well. I have seen this pattern in my friends and in myself at times. I realized shortly after my first long term relationship how seductive this can be. Whenever I had a problem, my boyfriend wanted to shield me from it, to protect me. This felt so warm and comfy, but I needed to face my problems. Mothers protect their children from strife but they all learn that to do so indefinately harms the child in the long run. After my relationship was over, I sought for this feeling again. It was easier to rely on the big strong man than to think for myself. When I tried to stand on my own, I found I wasn't ready, my knees were shaking. I realized that I needed to stand alone, or I would forever be leaning on someone else. I've heard many girls confide that they are really just waiting for a man who will take care of them. This is fine if you expect to take care of the man in return. A give/take relationship where both parties work for each other is healthy in my opinion. But the women who expect total security provided by the man are on their way into danger. For what human being can provide that? We're all fallible. We all make mistakes, why should we expect the man to always take care of his wife? What happens when he feels insecure and needs a strong partner by his side? I read an article about a year ago called "How to Keep Your Man" and I expected the worse. But instead of day spas and facial treatments this article offered practical advice. Namely: Have your own life, you'll be more interesting to him and in the case that he does leave, you're not stranded. Betty Friedan also discussed other topics that I found still applied to our day. She confronted those women that seek fulfillment outside themselves, in adultery, in community service, in material goods, and in their children. Even all of the above could not satisfy the woman who had to write "Occupation: housewife" she always wanted something more. A quote from "Cool Runnings" John Candy's character says, "A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if you're not enough without one, you'll never be enough with one." That applies to all of us. We have to be enough, fully satisified, standing alone without anything to our names to have hope for a satisfying future. Current Mood:  optimistic | | Wednesday, March 15th, 2006 | | 10:30 am |
| | Wednesday, March 1st, 2006 | | 6:05 pm |
10 misconceptions about women
10. Man: Today's woman wants to be independent. Woman: Yes, I may want my own job and my own life, but you should be aware that I also want the security of knowing that if I decide to stop working or get fired, you will take care of me for the rest of my life. 9. Man: Women dress provocatively so men will hit on them. Woman: No, I dress this way to look good — to everyone. I don't necessarily want you to lust after me or even talk to me. Admire me, maybe — just don't come introduce yourself and expect me to hop in bed with you. 8. Man: Women always want to know what I'm "thinking." Woman: I don't necessarily want to know your innermost feelings — I'm just curious about what goes on in that thick skull during downtime. 7. Man: Women are high-maintenance. Woman: No, women just have more things to maintain — face, legs, bikini lines, etc. 6. Man: Along those same lines, women spend a lot of time in the bathroom. Woman: I think men think we do this for them, when in reality, we do it for ourselves. The sexiest thing in the world is confidence, and I've learned as I grow older that it's not the style of my hair or my clothes, but how I feel in them and whether or not I feel at my best and most powerful. When I'm feeling hot is when I get the most head turns. 5. Man: She's after me for my money. Woman: Women marry for love first, money second. 4. Man: Women blame everything on PMS. Woman: If you had piercing bolts of pain down your back and felt like a keg was strapped to your belly two weeks out of every month, you would give blame where it's due, too. At least we let you know the cause of our whining and tantrums, and if we don't, you should already have it marked in your calendar with a note to bring us chocolate ice cream. 3. Man: Once married, or even in a long-term relationship, women are not interested in physical intimacy. Woman: I'm just tired from taking care of you and your offspring. 2. Man: Women are too emotional. Woman: Re-read #8, and get over it. 1. Man: Women are hard to read. Woman: Pay attention. You'll get it eventually. | | Tuesday, February 28th, 2006 | | 5:26 pm |
Agenda
Thursday: Dublin Friday: Dublin Saturday: Galway Sunday: London Monday: Athens Tuesday: Athens Wednesday: Athens Thursday: Athens Friday: Back at London! | | Sunday, February 26th, 2006 | | 1:40 pm |
| | Thursday, February 23rd, 2006 | | 2:59 am |
My current favorite love song.
From Andrew Lloyd Webber's "The Woman in White" Song: I Believe My Heart Lyrics HARTRIGHT: Whenever I look at you the world disappears all in a single glance so revealing you smile and I feel as though I've known you for years how do I know to trust what I'm feeling? I believe my heart what else can I do when ev'ry part of ev'ry thought leads me straight to you I believe my heart there's no other choice for now whenever my heart speaks I can only hear your voice LAURA: The lifetime before we met has faded away how did I live a moment without you? You don't have to speak at all I know what you'd say and I know every secret about you I believe my heart it believes in you it's telling me that what I see is completely true I believe my heart how can it be wrong it says that what I feel for you I will feel my whole life long BOTH: I believe my heart and it believes in you it's telling me that what I see is completely true And with all my soul I belive my heart the portrait that it paints of you is a perfect work of art | | Thursday, February 16th, 2006 | | 7:46 am |
I miss home.
Homesickness is finally kicking in. Brought on by the fact that my best friend for as long as I can remember is going to have an operation soon on a lump she found on her breast, and I can't be there for her. I can't be with her mom and husband killing time in the waiting room. It's maddening, Rena and I have been through everything together and I can't be there for one of the scariest days of her life. God I'm so worried for her. I wish I could pray, but I don't believe in prayer. I almost wish I was still Christian so I could trust some higher power with my almost-sister's life. When we talk, we only talk about her new house. She moves in March 1st, and she's so excited to have a house all to herself. She's promised me my own room and that I'll have to help her plan as soon as I come home. Which is funny because I know she has each room planned already and we have such different tastes in style that it won't matter what I think. She wants me to take lots of pictures of Italy and Athens when I go so we can decorate her living room with them. It's amazing how you focus on the mundane to deal with the terrifying. |
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